A man's guide to understanding female sexuality and arousal

Female sexuality and arousal is an intricate subject with many layers, and especially confusing for most men. One of the reasons for this is that it is not often discussed. As a result, even a woman is at times not aware of the reactions of her own body. So, here you are, trying to arouse her. The kids are asleep, and you have time to get naughty. However, how to know for sure that what you feel on your fingers is a result of your hard work or is it because of something else? Here is a sure way to find out about it.

Female sexuality can be quite confusing for most males.

Know her fluids

In medical parlance, any kind of fluid coming out of the vagina is termed as ‘discharge’. It is normal for a woman to discharge about 5-15 ml of clear, odourless fluid a day. It is mainly done to retain the moisture of the vagina. During sexual arousal, vagina gets moist due to secretions of the Bartholin’s glands. These, along with the Skene’s glands are responsible for the arousal fluids.

However, in the non-aroused state, a woman can still feel quite wet down there. And these are, in most circumstances, the secretions of the cervix. This part of the uterus is responsible for being ready to receive the sperms, if and when that happens. And so, each month, the cervix undergoes changes and the fluids are a result of this.

In addition, vaginal discharge can also be due to infections. Many of the sexually transmitted diseases cause vaginal discharge. However, this fluid is often not colourless and may end up smelling different. In most of the cases, these conditions do not resolve on their own and need treatment. So, it is important to spot the infection early on, as it can be transmitted to the partner.

And lastly, there is the concept of a female ejaculation. There is a varied opinion about ‘squirting’ and it is often glorified by pornography. It is unclear where the fluid originated from, but in all probability, it is the secretions of the Skene’s gland. And, a few women do forcibly ”ejaculate’ a small amount of this milky fluid when they climax. 

So how to know which one is which?

You cannot misunderstand a female ejaculation. You will know it when you see it. For other things, you need to feel and probably smell it to understand what it is exactly.

A cervical secretion is often going to be mixed with the vaginal secretions. And that is why you will be mistaken about the level of arousal of your partner. A rule of thumb is if the opening of the vagina feels wetter than the inside, (a) the secretions are vaginal and (b), your partner is not yet ready. But if the opening is not that moist (I do not think it is the right time yet) and you still go ahead and stick your finger inside, and the fingertip feels wet, it is most probably a cervical secretion.

Once you have a better understanding of female sexuality, your marriage (and sex) is bound to improve.

Wetness and arousal

The most important sign to look out for is the overall arousal of your partner. If you are unsure, ask before proceeding. Because if you don’t, sex is going to be painful. The arousal needs to be in her mind as well, so it might take some time for the body to respond sufficiently.

If your partner is ready in the mind, but due to physiologic or hormonal changes, is not ready down there, and still wants to proceed with sex, use a water-based lube. This will prevent friction and inflammation in both of you. 

On the other hand, a few women ‘suffer’ from excessive wetness. This over-lubrication prevents any friction and decreases the pleasure immensely. Many times, the woman finds this embarrassing as the sheets tend to become wet. In such cases, you may start before she is fully aroused as she is ‘quite wet’ down there. However, it is still necessary to wait till both of you are fully aroused before you commence the act.

What you can do is wipe the excess fluids before you enter her. But most importantly, assure her that it is okay and her condition is normal. 

Sex is one of the most important things in a marriage, so do it right!

Also, read Cannot find the G-spot? A man’s guide to rock your partner’s world